Dealing with cheating husbands

Dealing with Cheating Husband
Dealing with Cheating Husbands

A crucial key to properly dealing with cheating husbands is recognizing and accepting the truth that your partner having cheating on you has nothing to do with your value. There is nothing wrong with a person that causes their partner to cheat. There may be things you can improve about yourself and your relationship. That’s true of every one, including me. But cheating doesn’t happen because there’s something wrong with us.

Asking the question, “What’s wrong with me?” when you’ve been cheated on is the wrong question to be asking. The correct question is, “What’s wrong with my partner?” that led them to cheat. Another important question to ask is, “What’s wrong with my relationship?” that caused this to happen.

 

Dealing with cheating husbands

Dealing with a cheating spouse in a healthy way requires asking and answering some very tough questions, but we must ask the right questions. And if we want to rebuild the relationship we have to answer these questions honestly.  There are some things you can do to get beyond the hurt, forgive your unfaithful spouse, and save your marriage:

 

Do not make a quick decision

Dealing with Cheating Husband
Dealing with Cheating Husbands: Do not make a quick decision

Do not make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognized and dealt with.

 

Get the Facts

If you suspect your husband is having an affair, your first reaction may be to react with anger or threats. But try not to act impulsively.  Before you accuse your husband of infidelity, get the facts.  Women have intuition, not just for the mother in you, but also for the wife and spouse.  As long as there is no harm being done to you physically or verbally, I say wait before you leave so you can have your evidence.

 

Take care of yourself first

Do your best to take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or overeating.

 

Balance is the key

Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and to have some fun.

 

Confront Your Husband

Dealing with Cheating Husband
Dealing with Cheating Husbands: Confront your husband.

Confront your husband before doing anything drastic.  Let your husband know that you think he is cheating.  Explain to him the reasons why you think he is cheating, no matter how small or stupid you think the reasons are.  Then let him tell his story.  Let him explain why he is doing what he is doing.  Even if your husband confirms your worst fears it could be the beginning of reconciliation.

 

 

 

 

Get Relationship Counseling

Finding out your spouse is cheating on you emotionally or physically (or both) can be extremely overwhelming. Do not try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone! However, don’t shout from the highest mountain to all you know that your spouse is an unfaithful jerk. Carefully choose whom you will share this information with. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier and counseling can help get answers to questions. Was it a one-night stand or an affair? Did it come during or after a life crisis? Is a sexual addiction a possibility? Was it an act of retaliation? Did the cheating occur to end the marriage? Regardless, this may be the most important time to seek professional help.

 

Decide Where Trust Ends

At some point, you need to decide if you can still trust your husband, whether he’s cheating or not. A lack of trust is simply bad for a marriage. Consider what boundaries you need in your marriage in order to stay in the marriage. You might wish to contact an attorney and get these documented in a post nuptial agreement.

Try to mediate if you do get a divorce

If you have kids, try to mediate.  Divorce mediation is about you and your soon to be ex-spouse deciding your own divorce and what is best for the both of you and most importantly, your children. In mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party, the mediator, and with their help, you work through the issues you need to resolve so the two of you can end your marriage as amicably and cost effective as possible.

 

How do you know if husband is having an affair

having-an-affair-2
Is your husband having an affair?

How do you know if your husband is having an affair?  Most extramarital affairs do not start out with the candid revelations: “my husband is out of town” or “my wife won’t suspect a thing.” Generally something has gone awry in a marriage before a dissatisfied spouse utters these seductive lines.

Every woman in a relationship worries about infidelity, but unless he stumbles in late at night smelling like cheap perfume, it can be tough to tell whether your man is having an affair.

 

Is your husband having an Affair?

A couple of facts to remember though:

  1. YOUR PARTNER COULD BE EXHIBITING ALL OF THE SIGNS OF INFIDELITY AND STILL NOT BE HAVING AN AFFAIR. There is no secret formula to know for sure that a person is cheating. The behaviors below could be taking place for other reasons than an affair. Whatever the case, the signs of infidelity below are not good things. If they are present in your relationships it’s time to pay attention to your marriage, get some help and make some improvements.
  2. YOUR PARTNER COULD BE EXHIBITING NONE OF THE SIGNS BELOW AND STILL BE ENGAGED IN AN AFFAIR.  A cheating partner almost always leaves clues, so a naive spouse must be burying his or her head in the sand.

 

Here are some of the signs of a spouse that may be cheating.  These behaviors are only  indicators of a cheating spouse and are not absolutes!  But when you observe several, or maybe MOST, of these behaviors, your marriage may be in trouble! Again, let me reiterate that these behaviors are only indicators of  an affair.

 

Having an affair:
Having an affair: arugmentative

Allowing daily stresses and fatigue to sabotage your intimacy

Packed schedules and raising children are two common reasons husbands and wives feel ho-hum in their relational intimacy. Romance, in an instant, can remind you of the reasons you love each other. All marriages require times of refreshing and an in-depth look at intimacy saboteurs.

 

Sudden Changes in His Appearance

If your husband starts transforming into a different man, it may be more than a mid-life crisis. A man who drastically alters his clothing style, appearance or body shape for no apparent reason may be having an affair. Perhaps the other woman has suggested he grow a beard, wear his hair differently or use cologne. If he’s dressing differently for work, there may be a coworker he’s trying to impress. Likewise, if your lifelong couch-potato spouse suddenly becomes a gym rat, it may not be you that he’s trying to impress. He may be trying to look good for a new love interest or keep up physically with a younger woman. Or perhaps the other woman works or works out at the gym he’s showing a sudden interest in going to.

 

Change in behaviour pattern

If your husband started some new patterns that you thought were wonderful. He takes the dog for long walks, and offered to run errands in the evenings. If you comment that you wished you had some cookies for the kids’ lunches, he may be all too willing to go to the store for you.  He maybe calling his mistress on his cell phone while he was walking or running errands.

 

Looking for ego boosts outside your marriage

Men tend to turn to extramarital liaisons to build up their self-image or sexual self-esteem. Women are suspect to affairs to satisfy their longing for love, appreciation and tenderness. Beware of leaning on others beyond your marriage as primary sources for love, value and respect.

 

He’s Become Distant

Emotional distance is the number-one giveaway of infidelity, because it’s hard to be emotionally invested in two people at

Husband having an affair: becomes distant
Husband having an affair: becomes distant

once and to be emotionally intimate with someone while you betray her trust. Most people simply can’t handle the guilt of cheating, so they create space. Plus, distance creates a shield, protecting him from detection—if he doesn’t say much, he’s less likely to say something incriminating.

If your spouse avoids being alone with you and your conversations become purely superficial, he could be pushing you away because he’s growing closer to someone else. Likewise, if he holds back the warm and fuzzies (i.e. he stops saying ‘I love you,’ no longer holds your hand in public or barely hugs you anymore), he could be cutting off his feelings of affection for you, so he can focus on his new partner without feeling as guilty.

 

 

10 Reasons Marriages End in Divorce

reasons marriages end in divorce
Reasons marriages end in divorce: Too young

Reasons marriages end in divorce are many.  For the last 40 years divorce has become commonplace. In fact, the definition of family has changed dramatically. Less than fifty percent of families are intact with the biological mother and father still present. Families now include single heads of households, with the mother as the head of household, couples living together and step-families that become “blended” through divorce and re-marriage.

Included in the rising divorce rates are long-term marriages. Why, we ask, would someone get divorced after more than twenty years of marriage? Marriage is not easy. Unfortunately, even couples with the best intentions can end up in divorce court. There are a number of reasons people get divorced; the following are the most common:

 

Reasons marriages end in divorce

1. Jumped into marriage too quickly

Many couples get married too quickly for a variety of reasons.  Whether couples become infatuated with each other and jump into marriage or if they feel pressured by peers or parents.  People often don’t give themselves the time necessary to let the initial fire of romance settle down allowing each to discover possible differences.  These differences could be the seeds for anger issues that are hard to over come, causing a marriage to fail.

 

2. Inability to Communicate

All people need to be able to communicate with an attitude respect and trust in order to get along.  This is double so in regards to a married couple.  Couples that are not able to talk to each other in a kind and respectful way, especially when hashing out their differences, are at risk of increased strife.  Often times these couples descend into a pattern of combative arguments that become common place leading to the inability to resolve differences.  Not being able to talk peacefully and to resolve differences puts a wedge between a couple’s relationship leading to a breakup.

 

3. Cheating and infidelity

Cheating and marital infidelity is often a major reason that couples break-up.  These encounters bring distrust into a relationship that often times is too much to over come.  Cheating, however, occurs quite frequently, with research suggesting that 41% of people in a relationship engage in some sort of physical or emotional infidelity.  Most people also believe that men are the instigators of cheating, however research suggests that it’s about evenly split between men and women.

 

4. Sexual boredom with their partner

Another reason for failed marriages is sexual boredom.  The old saying “You put a coin in a jar for every time you have sex during the first year of marriage.  Then take a coin out when you have sex for every year after – that you will never empty the jar”  – has some truth.  Sexual boredom by itself does not necessarily cause a marriage fail.  However one of the partners in the marriage can start to cheat because of it.

 

5. Loss of freedom

When a couple initially decides to marry, it is not uncommon for both parties to start to plan their future, often with out the other’s input.  This can lead to one or both, of the people in the marriage, feeling like they have lost control of their freedom.  Research suggests that 24% of men and 44% of women feel this loss of freedom.  The ability to be with someone while also maintaining a sense of independence is a key ingredient for a successful, long term marriage. Couples, for this reason, are encouraged to talk about about their ability to have a certain amount of freedom prior to marriage.

 

6. Money and financial issues

reasons marriages end in divorce
Reasons marriages end in divorce: money

Money is a major problem in many marriages. In fact, the majority of divorce related surveys suggest money is one of the biggest reasons couples split.  Even long standing couples have found their marriage in trouble because of strong disagreements about spending, savings and general financial decision making. Financial inequity; meaning who is bringing what to the table, also are major reasons behind divorce.

 

7. Alcohol and drugs

Believe it or not, alcohol and drug use are a major reason why many marriages end. In one study, it was reported that as many as 45% of couples decide to split because of substance dependence issues.

Abuse of alcohol and drugs in marriages can cause a host of other problems, including financial and emotional difficulties. Substance abuse can also lead to heated arguments and in some cases, physical violence.

 

8. Lack of romance

Romance is a construct that can be hard to understand. At its core, we are talking about having some level of passion in the relationship that goes beyond mere physical closeness. The research suggests that women like to feel their husbands make them feel special in some way. Men on the other hand prefer some form of admiration from their wives. A lack of romance can sometimes be traced to a fear of intimacy, which may not become immediately apparent during the initial stages of a relationship.

 

9. Differences in background

reasons marriages end in divorce
Reasons marriages end in divorce: incompatibility

Many marriages end because of fundamental differences in background. These differences can be cultural, familial and economic. Because some couples decide to marry too quickly, they can often overlook major differences that exist between one another. This is particularly true regarding spiritual and religious beliefs.

 

10. Boredom with your spouse

Boredom with your husband or wife is the last reason we have that couples get divorced.  You must actively work on your marriage, no matter how difficult, in order to keep the relationship alive.  The boredom usually leads to a wondering eye or a spouse that allows themselves to start flirting at work.  If not careful a spouse will find themselves emotionally detached from their partner, which can lead to divorce.

 

There are obviously more reasons marriages end in divorce, but these are just a 10 of the most common.  Marriages over a long term are difficult, but if your’s is to succeed you must take control and actively work to keep it going.  You are the stewart of your own life and relationship and it is up to you to make your marriage work.

 

You can have divorce reconciliation success!

Divorce ReconcilitionFor some people who have been through a divorce, reconciliation is the last thing that they would consider. But for others, there are the lingering thoughts of getting back together again.  So what does it take to have divorce reconciliation success?

While divorce reconciliation is rare, it does happen.  There are couples that do successfully reconcile after even the most high conflict divorces.  Just look to the celebrity publications online or print and you will see that people do comeback together either as friends or sometimes something closer.

Divorce reconciliation success begins with the realization that permanently ending the marriage is not the best recourse. You have discussed the pros and cons of ending your marriage, including feelings of affection that are still evident, potential economic hardship, and the impact of divorce on dependent children and teens.

Your decision to dissolve a marriage, especially when children are concerned, is not an easy one. Emotional attachments and affection formed over decades are not easily abandoned, even when there is infidelity.

Couples who have been together for an extended period of time have faced life’s high and low points, such as the birth of a child or the loss of elderly parents; and those kinds of experiences are irreplaceable. Staying up all night with a sick youngster, celebrating birthdays, planning for the future and remembering the past are all facets of family life that make marriage worthwhile.

 

Divorce Reconciliation Success

If you are thinking about getting back together with your spouse and your divorce has already been filed, then there are basic questions you need to address:

Counseling: People react to their emotions, allowing them to control their decisions. Allowing your emotions to control your actions or holding things in and not talking about them can lead a person to a state of turmoil.

The bad thing in this type of situation is that we often take stress out on those we love the most. A spouse who gets the brunt of this stress may not understand what he or she has done. A reaction might be anger towards a spouse because he did not take out the garbage or wash the car.

The fight led to a breakup and talk of divorce. Counseling can help one to recall when the anger first started or when the confusion first started. After that happens, a person can work through to the truth that caused the break up and seek reconciliation before divorce.

 

divorce reconcilition children

Children:  Children are one of the biggest reasons why some people don’t get divorced and is also a major factor in getting back together. Most people want to give their children a loving two-parent household, so when the realization that this dream is no longer real takes hold, parents begin to contemplate reconciliation.

In addition, with the continued connection between ex-spouses because of their children, some couples find they still do have feelings for each other after the turmoil from the separation subsides.

 

Accept your mistakes: For any relationship to work it needs the effort of two persons and marriage is not an exception. So, when you are going through separation, both you and your spouse need to take some actions regarding reconciliation. To make the relationship successful you and your spouse need to accept the mistakes made by each other that has contributed towards the break up.

Admit your faults and the role you both played in the troubles in your marriage. This will help you build a new foundation in which you both can take responsibility for making the relationship work. Also never make the mistake of blaming each other. Just lower down your pride and admit your own mistakes. It is a fact that there cannot be any positive sign of reconciliation if the effort is one sided.