A crucial key to properly dealing with cheating husbands is recognizing and accepting the truth that your partner having cheating on you has nothing to do with your value. There is nothing wrong with a person that causes their partner to cheat. There may be things you can improve about yourself and your relationship. That’s true of every one, including me. But cheating doesn’t happen because there’s something wrong with us.
Asking the question, “What’s wrong with me?” when you’ve been cheated on is the wrong question to be asking. The correct question is, “What’s wrong with my partner?” that led them to cheat. Another important question to ask is, “What’s wrong with my relationship?” that caused this to happen.
Dealing with cheating husbands
Dealing with a cheating spouse in a healthy way requires asking and answering some very tough questions, but we must ask the right questions. And if we want to rebuild the relationship we have to answer these questions honestly. There are some things you can do to get beyond the hurt, forgive your unfaithful spouse, and save your marriage:
Do not make a quick decision
Do not make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognized and dealt with.
Get the Facts
If you suspect your husband is having an affair, your first reaction may be to react with anger or threats. But try not to act impulsively. Before you accuse your husband of infidelity, get the facts. Women have intuition, not just for the mother in you, but also for the wife and spouse. As long as there is no harm being done to you physically or verbally, I say wait before you leave so you can have your evidence.
Take care of yourself first
Do your best to take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or overeating.
Balance is the key
Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and to have some fun.
Confront Your Husband
Confront your husband before doing anything drastic. Let your husband know that you think he is cheating. Explain to him the reasons why you think he is cheating, no matter how small or stupid you think the reasons are. Then let him tell his story. Let him explain why he is doing what he is doing. Even if your husband confirms your worst fears it could be the beginning of reconciliation.
Get Relationship Counseling
Finding out your spouse is cheating on you emotionally or physically (or both) can be extremely overwhelming. Do not try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone! However, don’t shout from the highest mountain to all you know that your spouse is an unfaithful jerk. Carefully choose whom you will share this information with. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier and counseling can help get answers to questions. Was it a one-night stand or an affair? Did it come during or after a life crisis? Is a sexual addiction a possibility? Was it an act of retaliation? Did the cheating occur to end the marriage? Regardless, this may be the most important time to seek professional help.
Decide Where Trust Ends
At some point, you need to decide if you can still trust your husband, whether he’s cheating or not. A lack of trust is simply bad for a marriage. Consider what boundaries you need in your marriage in order to stay in the marriage. You might wish to contact an attorney and get these documented in a post nuptial agreement.
Try to mediate if you do get a divorce
If you have kids, try to mediate. Divorce mediation is about you and your soon to be ex-spouse deciding your own divorce and what is best for the both of you and most importantly, your children. In mediation, you and your spouse meet with a neutral third party, the mediator, and with their help, you work through the issues you need to resolve so the two of you can end your marriage as amicably and cost effective as possible.